A monthly series of articles by specialists at the University of Nebraska Panhandle Research and Extension Center about issues of importance

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February 2006 Topic:
Couple relationships

Effective Communication is Two-Way

Effective communication requires a two-way commitment. As a partner you have the responsibility to communicate with your mate. Withdrawing or giving your partner the silent treatment only hurts your relationship. While we all need time alone and time to think, responding to our partner in an affectionate way is more helpful and builds a stronger bond of love.

Communicating with your partner does not always come easily and without practice. It takes sincere effort by both partners to have a relationship that makes both happy. Both partners must work to maintain the love and respect they have for each other with determination to continuously nurture the relationship. In other words, you both need to work at your relationship all the time.

Communicating effectively means being willing to share your feelings and being honest and sincere with what you say. It means caring about the other person when you talk together. You should not have to keep your feelings hidden because you are worried about what might happen when you express yourself.

Communicating also means being a good listener. You do no always need to be the one talking. Try to listen willingly about your partner’s day, feelings, opinions, concerns, or whatever is being discussed. If it is not a good time to talk, let your partner know. Partners who care about each other and desire effective communication will avoid words that put their partner down, ridicule, poke fun at, or demean in any way. They also avoid negative voice tones and body gestures. You communicate in many nonverbal ways.

Positive facial and body gestures such as smiles, hugs, and gentle touches will tell your partner how much you care. Expressing satisfaction and appreciation for each other helps to build the other person’s self-esteem. Providing time for you to be alone and spending time doing your favorite hobbies or activities is essential. Remembering to often tell your partner the very simple words, “I love you!” are music to the ears and words that warm the heart.

Intimacy in Relationship Must be Nurtured

Intimacy is an important part of couple relationships. When time together is not sufficient or when partners are very tired, it is difficult for one or both partners to give the attention and affection needed to sustain a healthy romantic love relationship.

While living daily life couples must work hard not to get into a rut or a routine with their lovemaking but rather nurture the relationship with spontaneity, creativity and energy. In a relationship with mutual love and respect, lovemaking must be mutually satisfying and needs attention just as the laundry needs washed or the yard needs mowed. Our relationships are much like a garden that needs to be planted, watered, weeded, hoed, and harvested. Without attention a garden would produce very little and would not flourish.

Romantic love relationships are much the same as a garden as they also need care and attention. Without time and work to nurture a relationship, the relationship hurts and potentially could die. Sexual relations and the lack of time for intimacy are major issues that couples fights about. Making time for each other and giving your partner priority is well worth the effort. Talk honestly about your feelings with your spouse or partner and make some adjustments in your daily lives to meet each other’s needs.

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